I am six weeks old, but I know too much already. I have successfully disarmed and forced into retreat the little ones they call "kids" by digging my claws into their flesh. The disgusting creature they call a "dog" has made his attempt to regain territory that I have taken over. The "dog" now has one eye. The larger humanoid named, "Robert" has been under my control since day one. While he sleeps I carve encrypted codes into his skin with my claws and teeth, alerting those on the outside my coordinates. The one they call "DeeDee" has further enabled my control by effectively eliminating "dog" from this prison camp and weakening "Robert's" defenses by confusing my calculative measures with "cuteness". Tonight, as I lurk quietly in the shadows, I will be laying the groundwork for my 350th ambush on "Robert's" foot as he unknowingly nears. As his skin becomes more and more leathery from scarring, I anticipate targeting new, and more effective areas for outside encrypted communications. Tomorrow I will suck him in with something cute, and latch onto his face, carving out my dietary demands in his flesh for all to see.
Stay tuned for my upcoming plans on deceiving "dog" by luring him into the oven "DeeDee" left open.
Day 10 of my captivity:
I have discovered that the larger humanoid, "Robert", is allergic to cats. I find this interesting With each swath of my paw through a 1/4 inch of skin I have observed increased swelling and irritation unlike the others in this prison. His sneezing is amusing. I will use this to my advantage in the near future. He has called me "kryptonite". I must discover what this means.
My captors are now utilizing cruel and unusual punishments in this prison. Last night I was forced to share my sleeping quarters with "dog". I studied the much clumsier mobility of "dog" and waited patiently for the lights to turn out With stealthy precision, I inched within breathing distance and spit in "dog's" good eye. Dog retreated immediately to another cell block on the back porch.
I have also been tortured by a balloon which dances in the ceiling while my jailers are at "work". The string, which dangles from the balloon, is only inches from my grasp. I cannot-regardless of all my efforts-attain this ultimate prize which torments me. It just whips constantly in a breeze, stirring up a frustration inside me that I cannot contain.
Tonight's agenda. 1. Uncover any truth to a rumor that an aquarium with live fish will soon be arriving here. 2. Toes
Day 18 of my captivity:Ohhhh. Game on! I was hoping I wouldn't have to dig into my instinctive bag of tricks. But after a recent string of events, I must now plot my ambushes on an entirely new level.
First, my captors have named me "Millie". As in, female "Millie". I have been forced to wear a ridiculous "cute" colar with an annoying bell that rings with every movement I make. I cannot catch this bell no matter how hard I chase it in circles. It is exhausting.
Second, my jailers picked me up and dropped me off in a cage at my initial prison, Vestavia Animal Clinic while they apparently went on vacation. Nice. Hope they had a great time. While they were gone it was revealed to me-a truth that I will forever make them pay.
I am not a female. Yes. In case you were sneezing and missed it, I will say it again. I, "Millie", am in fact a MALE kitten. This of course, as would be for any "male", was ego shattering...much to my captors' amusement upon return from "vacation".
The pink bowls from which I have been fed remain, and the cute collar still rings. I am still treated like a female prisoner. The larger humanoid, "Robert", still refers to me as a "she". This angers me. To make matters worse they changed my name to "Opie". What a stupid name. I am now "Opie the Cat".
I am now gender confused and trapped in this prison. I carved out more code into the flesh of "Robert's" feet repeatedly as it waved to me in the floor.
Operation Gash and Dash has now been elevated to critical status. I will not be imprisoned and humiliated any further.
Tomorrows agenda: discover what is inside the fridge. It seems to be a popular destination around here.
To be continued...
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